Codependency Problem

The Problem
  In its broadest sense, codependency can be defined as an addiction to people, behaviors, or things. Codependency is the fallacy of trying to control interior feelings by controlling people, things, and events on the outside. To the codependent, control or lack of it is central to every aspect of life.

  The codependent may be addicted to another person. In this interpersonal codependency, the codependent has become so elaborately enmeshed in the other person that the sense of self--personal identity—is severely restricted, crowded out by that other person’s identity and problems.

  Additionally, codependents can be like vacuum cleaners gone wild, drawing to themselves not just another person, but also chemicals (alcohol or drugs, primarily) or things—money, food, sexuality, work. They struggle relentlessly to fill the great emotional vacuum within themselves.

  The codependent is driven by one or more compulsions, often worries about people or things he or she can’t change and usually tries to change them anyway, is certain his/her happiness hinges on others, is plagued by low self esteem, and is often tormented by the way things were in their dysfunctional families of origin.

The Solution
  By actually working through the Christ-centered 12 Steps and 8 Recovery Principles with Jesus Christ as our Higher Power, we can and will change. We experience the true peace and serenity we have been seeking when we admit that we are powerless and when we give our lives and our wills over to the care of God. It is only when we become dependent on God for our happiness that we stop measuring our self worth on the well being and approval of others.

  Here we learn a new way of living. We learn, at our own pace, to experience in a healthy way intimacy and sharing with others. We learn to trust, to ask for our needs to be met, to say no when no is appropriate, to express our feelings, to be able to detach from the need to control and manipulate others. We learn to live and let live.

  Those of us who have experienced life change through this program encourage you to keep coming back. It works, by God’s power, if you work it!

(From the book Love is a Choice)