Dangerous Lies that Lead to Infidelity

Marital affairs rarely happen randomly. They result from believing and justifying lies. In marriage, believing lies is like removing the fastening screws. It is dangerous, causes bad decisions, and leads to signs of infidelity and broken marriages. Exposing lies for what they are keep us from falling into their traps and knowing the warning signs of infidelity can keep the dominoes from falling. Here are the dangerous lies that lead to infidelity. Although I am speaking to husbands, I believe these apply equally to wives as well.

My wife should make me happy/ I deserve to be happy.

Marriage is actually not about happiness. It may be a part of it at times. The problem is that this attitude is selfishness, plain and simple. When this attitude is nurtured, spouse blaming becomes routine; bitterness is right around the corner. The list of negative qualities in the spouse gets longer and longer. All it does is attempt to justify the selfish attitude so the person is free to chase happiness or the greener grass. Marriage is about dying to self, giving, and loving in good times and bad. That’s why it’s so difficult, but also so rewarding.

There’s nothing wrong with a little flirting.

It’s exciting. When someone finds you sexually attractive it feels good, particularly when you feel the same way about them. No one wants to lose that feeling, they want it to continue. So they justify it by telling this to themselves accompanied by It doesn’t mean anything. It does. It’s hurtful to the spouse because it trains the heart to wander. It’s natural to have those feelings, but playing with them gives the wrong person an improper place in the heart. Flirting is like entering a river with a powerful current that ends at a large drop-off.

What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.

This attitude can take root in the person doing something they know would make their spouse upset. They recognize it’s wrong and probably feel guilty, but don’t want to stop. In an attempt to make themselves feel better, they simply tell themselves: It’s not like I’m hurting anyone. It does hurt. Secrets cause disconnection. Spouses can intuitively sense when there is distance, no matter the degree. They may not address it, but they sense it. Believing a lie like this is just the beginning of allowing disconnection to enter the relationship. The distance just gets wider and wider until this person connects to someone else.

I have sexual needs.

Food is a need. Sex is not a need, it’s a desire. An attitude such as this one gives sexual urges too much power. It is also a subtle way to justify pursuing sex outside of marriage. Once it’s justified in the person’s heart and mind, acting on it becomes easier. You can make an argument that sex is a need for the health of the relationship, but in that case, it is a need for the husband and the wife together, not just for one of them. Any sexual feelings having to do with just you is a desire, not a need.

Our marriage problems are HER fault.

Marriage relationships consist of two people. One person might be more responsible, but not completely to blame. This is a convenient way to avoid responsibility. Anytime a person avoids responsibility, blames others, or justifies themselves, they become colder. Walls of defense get fortified and the separation begins. Note: There are occasions where one person is completely to blame, but those are rare.

- With thanks to BJ Foster

Signs of an Emotional Affair

It normally starts with a rough patch in the marriage. One spouse feels rejected. She doesn’t feel like he pays attention to her or he feels like she is never interested in sex. Someone gets hurt, maybe even repeatedly. The feelings and voices replay over and over again, “He doesn’t appreciate me.” “She never shows me affection.” “He takes me for granted.” “She doesn’t love me.” Then it happens. While at work or a party, there is an interaction with someone of the opposite sex. The person feels good and excited, two emotions that haven’t been felt in a while. These are all of the things they used to feel with their spouse. They can’t wait for the next time they see or talk to that person. After a while, they look forward to interacting with that person more than their spouse.

Emotional affairs are a real and painful form of infidelity. However, at what point has the line been crossed? Answering yes to the following questions are signs you are having an emotional affair or headed that way.

Are you hiding things from your spouse?

“The moment you keep secrets from your spouse about relationships with others, the betrayal begins.”This is the biggest and most telling signal. The moment you keep secrets from your spouse about relationships with others, the betrayal begins. Deleting texts and emails, putting passwords in place to restrict access or starting a new email account your spouse doesn’t know about crosses the line.

Do you feel a greater connection to this person over your spouse?

Do you feel like this person understands you more than your spouse? Are you having more deeply personal talks with this person more than your wife? Do you talk to her about your marital problems? If you find yourself leaning on this person for emotional support, your connection with them is going to grow as will your disconnection with your spouse.

Do the two of you flirt with one another?

Giving someone a compliment is fine, however flirting is a violation. Flirting is being overly or strategically complimentary. It is sending someone signals that you are attracted to them and open to their reciprocated affection. It is gazing eye contact and suggestive touching with a spirit of attraction. It’s important to be honest about your intentions because the other person will pick up on your feelings and so will your spouse.

Do you daydream about this person?

When you are with your spouse are you preoccupied with thinking about the other person? Do you think about her more than your wife? Do you get excited when you think about your interactions, replaying the old ones and looking forward to the next time? At this point, your heart is entangled. The more time you spend thinking about the other person the more cracks appear in your marriage. Your spouse will sense the problem and feel the neglect.

Do they fill a ‘missing piece’ in your life or marriage?

Whether it is lack of attention, hurt feelings or just boredom, something is missing in your marriage. Are you trying to fill that hole with this friend? Do they give you things your marriage no longer does? If you are finding the attention you lack or are experiencing the thrill you used to feel for your spouse, you are there. As long as you are finding those things from a person other than your spouse, your marriage will continue to lose more life and be in danger.

- With thanks to BJ Foster

Guidance on Dealing With a Verbally Abusive Spouse

Question: 

What can I do about the harsh and hurtful things my husband/wife says to me?

Answer: 

I am sorry to learn of the frustration and pain you have experienced as a result of your husband’s/wife's hurtful words. It is distressing to be on the receiving end of very cutting and abrupt comments that wound one’s spirit.

Some people, for reasons known only to themselves, often speak to others in this manner. Sometimes a harsh and insensitive attitude shields a person who himself has been wounded by the remarks of others. In any case, we can understand the problems you are having. Remember that God loves you, and you are important in His sight. He loves you so much that He sent Christ to die for your sins.

As you focus on the fact that God loves you and considers you precious to Him, there will be a real difference in your life. Your sense of self-worth does not need to depend on the opinion of others.

Be sure you do not act toward your husband/wife in the way he acts toward you. It is easy in a situation like yours to do just that. But that does not solve the problem—it only makes it worse. The Bible tells us, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1). It also says, “A wholesome tongue is a tree of life” (Proverbs 15:4). Affirm and support your loved one in your conversations. Your example may help him to learn to do the same for you. Read also Ephesians 4:29-32.

I would encourage you to find a time when you can speak frankly (and yet lovingly) with your husband/wife. Perhaps he is not even aware you are hurt by the things he says, and although he may not be intentionally hurting you, he needs to be aware of your feelings.

Communication is important in a good marriage, and you and your husband need to learn to share your concerns (as well as your joys) with each other. Read 1 Corinthians, chapter 13, and Ephesians 5:28-29. Many couples have found the counsel of a Gospel-teaching pastor or Christian marriage counselor to be helpful in strengthening relationships and improving communication skills.

I would urge both you and your husband/wife to examine your relationship with Christ. Have you committed your lives to Christ? Are you seeking to follow Him? If not, make that commitment now, and learn the joy of having Christ at the center of your marriage.

When a husband and wife are truly seeking to honor Christ, they will not want to hurt each other—quite the opposite, they will want to encourage each other. As you pray and learn from God’s Word together, God will help both of you become the loving partners He wants you to be.

Thoughts on Masturbation; from C.S. Lewis

"I agree that that the stuff about ‘wastage of vital fluids’ is rubbish. For me, the real evil of masturbation would be that it takes an appetite which, in lawful use, leads the individual out of himself to complete (and correct) his own personality in that of another (and finally in children and even grandchildren) and turns it back: sending the man back into the prison of himself, there to keep a harem of imaginary brides.

And this harem, once admitted, works against his ever getting out and really uniting with a real woman. For the harem is always accessible, always subservient, calls for no sacrifice or adjustments, and can be endowed with erotic and psychological attractions which no real woman can rival.
Among these shadowy brides he is always adored, always the perfect lover: no demand is made on his unselfishness, no mortification is ever imposed on his vanity. In the end, they become merely the medium through which he increasingly adores himself.

Do read Charles Williams’ Descent into Hell, and study the character of Mr. Wentworth. And it is not only the faculty of love which is thus sterilized, forced back on itself, but also the faculty of imagination.

The true exercise of imagination, in my view, is (a) To help us to understand other people (b) To respond to, and, some of us, to produce art. But it has also a bad use: to provide for us, in shadowy form, a substitute for virtues, successes, distinctions, et cetera which ought to be sought outside in the real world — e.g., picturing all I’d do if I were rich instead of earning and saving.
Masturbation involves this abuse of imagination in erotic matters (which I think bad in itself) and thereby encourages a similar abuse of it in all spheres.

After all, almost the main work of life is to come out of our selves, out of the little, dark prison we are all born in. Masturbation is to be avoided as all things are to be avoided which retard this process. The danger is that of coming to love the prison."


~ C.S. Lewis, from Yours, Jack.

Guys: How To Use Porn To Destroy Your Relationship

There probably isn't a more efficient way to make your partner feel betrayed, used, and violated than picking up a porn habit. Obviously cheating would also accomplish all of those things, but porn is cheating, so I’m just repeating myself. Porn is poison. There’s nothing harmless about it. Nothing innocent. Nothing fun. It’s prostitution by proxy. 

Speaking of which, I've always wondered why we draw a distinction between a prostitute and a porn star. The former is paid to have sex, the latter is paid to have sex. The only difference is who pays and how much. Same can be said for the Johns. A guy watching porn is paying to be sexually gratified by a (probably abused and drug addicted) young woman. Whether he pays through a subscription or pays just by clicking on the website and helping to drive revenue, he pays. The man with the hooker in the Best Western or Motel 6 is also paying to be sexually gratified, but in a more direct manner. In some ways, you might say that the prostitute and the John are at least honest about what they’re doing. The porn star and the porn viewer hide behind screens and in front of cameras, but it’s all the same.

There are a lot of reasons to hate pornography, but one of the reasons certainly has something to do with how delusional it makes us. Many married guys insist there’s nothing wrong with it, but I doubt they’d say there’s nothing wrong with sitting in the same room as a woman and watching her have sex. They might go to strip clubs, but they’d probably admit that it’s not a place a married men should be going, either. And whether they do it or not, they’d likely admit that they shouldn't be sexting or flirting with other women. Yet spending hours viewing graphic sex on their laptop is substantively different from all of these things… how? Because it’s a fantasy? No it isn't. It’s real. It’s happening. It’s physically happening. The act is facilitated by modems and internet connections, but it’s happening.

This brings up a whole new conversation. The experience of watching something on TV or doing something on the computer is so passive and effortless that we think it doesn't ‘count.’ Imagine the cyber troll who types the most vicious and hateful things in the YouTube comment section, but would never dream of breathing a word of any of it to anyone in ‘real life.’ He thinks, perhaps subconsciously, that the internet is a moral no-man’s land. He rationalizes that what he does and says there won’t impact people, including himself, the same way it would in three dimensions. There’s no basis for this rationalization. It makes no sense, yet we all fool ourselves into thinking it, for one reason or another. Still, despite the lies we tell ourselves, a woman who discovers porn on her partner's computer will feel just like a woman who finds out about an affair. And that feeling will only be made worse by the fact that her partner will claim it’s ‘no big deal,’ and much of society will echo those sentiments.

This says nothing of what porn does to us as men. It becomes an addiction just like any other. It lessens us. It pulls us away from our families, away from our wives and girlfriends, away from our values. It makes us liars and hypocrites. I think any man’s porn compulsion comes wrapped in a thick layer of guilt, but that must especially be the case for men with daughters. It might be a cliche to say ‘that’s somebody’s daughter’ but she is somebody’s daughter, and that does mean something. I cringe particularly when I think of older fathers who look at porn involving women the same age as their own children. It’s perverse and disgusting. These men are not bad people, but they are doing a bad thing — a bad thing that, to make matters worse, has been dressed up as innocent and playful.

It’s definitely not an easy time to be a faithful man. Everywhere we look there are words and images trying to grab our attention and send us into a spiral of lust and sexual greed. You really can’t even scroll down a Facebook newsfeed anymore without seeing blatant or borderline pornography. The entire world, it seems, is out to exploit our weaknesses. It’s easy to give in, but we have to fight it. We owe ourselves that much, and more importantly we owe our wives and girlfriends. Porn is cheating. Porn will wreck your relationship, guaranteed.

(This post is an excerpt taken from an article originally posted by Matt Walsh on The Blaze.)

4 Things That Porn Will Teach You About Sex

Our generation is getting a lot of sex education these days, but not from the usual sources. Sure, they are still teaching the textbook, physiological stuff in school, and the birds and the bees chat with the parental units usually includes something about abstinence or safe sex and birth control. But there’s only so much a sex ed teacher can talk about in school, and according to one poll, only 43% of parents actually feel comfortable talking to their kids about sex. So where do you think this generation is getting this knowledge from?

The unfortunate answer: porn.

That’s right, pornography has become one of the main sex educators in society. And if we allow porn to teach our generation about sex, these are the four things we will be learning:

1. It’s all about you, man.

As much as the porn industry wants you to think that it “empowers” women, it’s really all about pleasing men. And why would an industry with the sole purpose of making money off the main consumer cater to women? In almost all porn, the woman typically submits to whatever the man wants to do, regardless of how uncomfortable, painful or degrading it looks. As an LA Times article once put it, “Women are no more than a set of orifices intended for the use and abuse of men and men are nothing more than anonymous phalluses demanding to be serviced.” How disgusting of a description is that? Yet it’s the truth. And if you don’t think porn conditions people to think that way, consider the hundreds of celebrities who were violated by “Celebgate,” only a few of which were men. All of these lies are what porn promotes. What porn doesn't teach is that sex is about physical and emotional equality, not dominance and submissiveness.

2. Violence isn’t just okay, it’s sexy.

One of Fight the New Drug's fact pages cites some seriously messed up stats about violence in porn. For example, in a recent study done on the most popular porn films, researchers found that 88% of the scenes contained physical violence. That’s almost 9 out of 10! In an interview with ex-porn star Vanessa Belmond (warning: graphic), she shared some of what she went through while in the porn industry, including bleeding in her throat and having to take painkillers so she could “act like [she was] having a good time.” In what world is it okay for someone’s pain to be filmed and sold as pleasure?? Not cool at all. And all one has to do is a simple Google search or spend a few minutes on our website to see the violence and abuse that the majority of women in pornography face.

3. Porn is better than sex.

One of the many problems with porn is that it provides a super-stimulus overload that can keep the chemical level in your brain elevated for hours and hours. Over time, porn overstimulates and desensitizes the brain’s pleasure center, meaning you no longer get off on the same old stuff and need something more intense. This leads to addiction, dependency, and the increasingly common porn-induced erectile dysfunction. When it comes to natural stimulation from real sex, it is a much different experience and feeling from what the porn user has been conditioning themselves to enjoy. Basically, the brain doesn’t recognize sex as “the real deal” and thinks that porn is what it needs to get aroused. Pretty ironic, eh? The movie Don Jon, directed by and starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt, is a perfect depiction of this reality. The main character’s brain is so twisted that he can’t be sexually satisfied without viewing porn and openly admits that he likes porn better than real sex. That’s why this Italian study found that erectile dysfunction and “sexual anorexia” is common among porn users. Sound sexy at all? We don’t think so.

4. Nothing else matters.

In porn, the ultimate goal is sexual stimulation. There’s no emotional connection. There’s no romance. There’s no conversation or commitment. That’s why our slogan is ‘Porn Kills Love’. Countless studies are now showing that porn diminishes relationship commitment and often leads to greater acceptance of cheating. The idea that porn creates is that if someone doesn't what’s happening in a real-life relationship, there are plenty of potential willing sexual partners out there (real or online). Is it any wonder that 56% of divorces involve at least one person with an obsessive interest in porn? Basically, porn is a really poor excuse for real human intimacy and it’s designed to trick the brain into believing sex is all that matters.

What YOU Can Do

Obviously, all these things are far from the truth. Help spread the word about the harmful effects of pornography and raise awareness on the misinformation being sold to society. SHARE this article and be a part of this movement to stop the demand for porn.

(With thanks to Fight The New Drug - See more at: http://fightthenewdrug.org)

7 Common Double Standards in Marriage

A friend of mine is married to an elementary school teacher. His wife has to get up early and needs her sleep to have enough energy for the kids in her class. Quite often, she will go to bed earlier than my friend who is a night owl.

Early in their marriage, on more than one occasion, he stumbled into the bedroom late without considering his volume. He found out quickly how much that agitated his wife. She gave him an earful about his lack of consideration and selfishness; he then complained about her over sensitivity and harshness.

Many mornings she woke up, turned the lights on, loudly sifted through dresser drawers, and burst through doors in a focused rush to get to work. She operated completely unaware of the disruption she made. My friend would lie in bed angry that his morning sleep was disrupted. Each held the other to a double standard. Each one expected the other to uphold standards that they broke a moment later.

Such attitudes can attack the foundation of even the strongest marriages. Here are 7 common double standards in marriage and ways to avoid them.

1. Meeting Each Others Needs.

She expects all of her emotional needs met before having sex. He expects all of his sexual needs met before meeting her emotional needs. The double standard is expecting a spouse to meet his/her needs without meeting the needs of the other.  Either or both party end up frustrated.

How to Avoid: A good way to avoid this is by putting your spouse's needs before your own. When you do that consistently, you can call on your spouse to do the same. Someone has to make the first move though. It might as well be you.

2. Her Parents and His Parents.

One spouse's parents receive more attention, have concessions made for them, or are always welcome. When the in-laws come around, the attitudes change. Extended family dynamics and a rigidity to change can cause significant marital stress.

How to Avoid: Focus on why your spouse may have a double standard. In what ways are they pressured by their family? Are they intimidated by yours? Discuss it with them. Be sure to explain how and why it hurts you and your family.

3. Spending Habits.

One person buys a lot of things for themselves; many are frivolous. Yet, they are critical when the other makes similar purchases. It's important to come to an agreement regarding financial choices.

How to Avoid: This takes a lot of dialogue, budgeting, and a financial plan. Meet with a financial advisor. Take time together to go over the types of purchases that are appropriate -- or not. If there are core issues of distrust and/or resentment regarding money, they need to be dealt with.

4. Her Friends and His Friends.

There can be several double standards here. One goes out with their friends all the time while criticizing any time the other does the same. Another scenario is having disdain for a spouse's friends while overlooking the imperfections of their own friends. Lastly, one may have strict rules about their spouse having friends of the opposite sex while not applying the same rules to themselves.

How to Avoid: In general, try to treat the other's friends well. Discuss the subject openly, listen, and show grace. Setting a schedule for equal time may be a good place to start. If either one has a friend or friends who are a bad influence, there may be a need to discontinue those friendships. Understand that this is a hard thing to ask your spouse to do. Be patient and give it time.     

5. Household Chores.

This normally breaks down into gender roles. Certain jobs around the house are considered a man's or woman's job. If a wife makes dinner, it's expected. When a husband makes dinner, he is going above and beyond. When a husband takes out the garbage, he is doing what he is supposed to do; when a wife does it, she is picking up the slack. Now if those roles are clearly delegated, it isn't a double standard. Having those expectations, without an agreement, is where to problem arises.

How to Avoid: Divide the chores so the workload is even. Consider rotating chores if there is disagreement about who does what. 

6. Hurting One Another.

We all hurt one another. However, when one spouse wants the other to quickly let go of a hurt they caused, while dragging it out when the roles are reversed, constitutes a double standard.

How to Avoid: Set rules for how you argue and reconcile with one another. Having boundaries and guidelines surrounding conflict can make all the difference.  

7. Watching the Kids.

At the end of the day, everyone is tired. After a long day at work, one spouse tends to come home tired and looking for rest. The other spouse, whether a stay-at-home or working parent, is looking for the same. The double standard comes in when one expects the other to solely handle all of the kid duties.

How to Avoid: Tune in to your spouse. Try to put yourself in their shoes and think how you would feel. If you see yourself consistently as the one on the receiving end of a double standard and your spouse continues to deny it, bring in an objective third party.   

(RE-blogged with thanks to All Pro Dad)

Helping Someone Feel Better versus Making Someone Feel Better

(with thanks to my friend, Boggle)

5 Rules for Bipolar Relationships

Living in any loving relationship poses considerable challenges. Add bipolar to the mix and the degree of difficulty suddenly gets a lot higher. How difficult? Imagine Yo-Yo Ma performing a Bach cello suite blindfolded, while pedaling a unicycle backwards on a tightrope over Niagara Falls. But bipolar can enhance a loving relationship and enrich the lives of both parties. We just need to be extremely mindful of the hazards.

1. Never engage in a dialogue with the other person’s amygdala

Life is far more complicated in a bipolar brain. The amygdala, the part of the brain that activates flight-or-flight, may go off for no reason or may over-respond. The all clear message gets lost. In this state, we become irrational and unreasonable, and there is no sense in trying to reason with us.

2. Do not judge

We need to suspend judgment when the bipolar individual is acting out. He or she is reacting to the world as he or she sees it. So are you. Same world; two entirely different views. Do not judge. Take stock; determine where each of you are coming from. Resolve to work your way to an understanding.

3. Think very carefully

When do you go with your head? When do you go with your heart? How do you justify a decision to your partner? Our only guide is a lifetime of experience, which inevitably involves a history of wrong choices. Mistakes are inevitable, but they may also give us the wisdom to move forward. Says the Dalai Lama: “When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.”

4. You should never have to put up with abuse

This applies with equal force to both parties. The stress we put our partners through can be interpreted as a form of abuse. Each partner has the right to set their own boundaries, make their own rules, interpret abuse as they see fit.

5. You are entitled to happiness

The bipolar diagnosis should never cut us off from humanity. Our illness imbues us with an insight and wisdom that tends to leave the rest of the world for dead. We think and feel deeper and wider. We light up those around us. We have empathy in abundance. It goes without saying that we are a gift to the right person.

(With thanks to John McManamy )

How to Help Your Spouse Have an Affair

If you want to help your spouse have an affair, do the following:

Don’t really listen. 

Act like you’re listening, but continue to glance at your emails or the television while they are talking. And be sure not to feel what they feel. After they pour they’re heart out to you, just say to them “You shouldn't feel that way” or “Why are you getting so emotional about it?…It’s no big deal.”

Stop having intimate conversations. 

When your spouse wants to talk to you about their hopes and dreams for the future, make a really good excuse as to why you can’t talk right now, like “I can’t talk right now; I need to help the kids with their homework” or “You know my favorite TV. show is coming on now. Can we talk about it later?”

Constantly criticize, compare, and degrade. 

Think of ways you can hurt and tear down your spouse with your critical or comparing words… “I asked you to do one thing for me and you didn't do it. Can’t you do anything right?” Or, “I wish you were more like_________. He’s always doing nice things for his wife.”

Do sports and activities only with your friends. 

Be sure to schedule golf outings or tennis matches with your friends. Check with your neighbor to see if they want to go for a walk. But by no means, do those things with your spouse.

Withhold affection and sex. 

Want to catapult your mate into an affair? Then be sure only to show them affection when they've done what you asked them to do. And, make sure you are really well rested and “in the mood” before you make love. Oh, and if your spouse has not been behaving like you want them to behave, then cut them off at least for a while.

Spend more time on Facebook, Twitter, and the Internet. 

This is an easy way to push your spouse away. When you have a few minutes after the kids go to bed, pull out your laptop and spend an hour or so posting, tweeting, and surfing. Maybe even take your smartphone or iPad to bed with you.

Invest all of your time and energy in your kids. 

Say to your spouse, “Look, the kids come first.” Then, be sure that your universe revolves around your children. If your kids need you to clean their uniform or make their dinner, your spouse will just have to wait. There is just no time for dates with your mate during this season of life. Maybe one day…


(with thanks to Mark Merril)

20 Random Truths about Love

1. "Love in it's truest sense is not based on feelings." 
2. "Kindness is Love in action. If patience is how Love reacts in order to minimize a negative circumstance, Love acts to maximize a positive circumstance." 
3. "Patience avoids a problem; kindness creates a a blessing. One is preventive; the other, proactive." 
4. “The only way love can last a lifetime is if it's unconditional. The truth is this: love is not determined by the one being loved but rather by the one choosing to love.” 
5. “Almost every sinful action ever committed can be traced back to a selfish motive. It is a trait we hate in other people but justify in ourselves. ” 
6. “Patience gives your spouse permission to be human. It understands that everyone fails. When a mistake is made, it chooses to give them more time that they deserve to correct it. It gives you the ability to hold on during the rough times in your relationship rather than bailing out under the pressure.” 
7. “There must be a stronger foundation than mere friendship or sexual attraction. Unconditional love, agape love, will not be swayed by time or circumstances. ” 
8. “Nobody knows you as well as our spouse. And that means no one will be quicker to recognize a change when you deliberately start sacrificing your wants and wishes to make sure his or her needs are met. ” 
9. “You must choose to live by encouragement rather than by expectations.” 
10. “That word is 'willing.' It's an attitude and spirit of cooperation that should permeate our conversations. It's like a palm tree by the ocean that endures the greatest winds because it knows how to gracefully bend.” 
11. "Love makes you kind. And kindness makes you likable."
12. "You will never learn to love until you learn to demonstrate kindness."
13. "Love is built on two pillars that best define what it is. Those pillars are patience and kindness."
14. "Patience is a choice to control your emotions rather than allowing your emotions to control you."
15. "Patience is where love meets wisdom. And every marriage needs that combination to stay healthy."
16. "Few of us do patience very well, and none of us do it naturally. But wise men and women will pursue it as an essential ingredient to their marriage relationships. That’s a good starting point to demonstrate true love."
17. "Nothing irritates others as quickly as being rude. However you look at it, no one enjoys being around a rude person."
18. "The truth is, love does not get angry or hurt unless there is a legitimate and just reason in the sight of God."
19. “Love chooses to believe the best about people. It gives them the benefit of the doubt. It refuses to fill in the unknowns with negative assumptions. And when our worst hopes are proven to be true, love makes every effort to deal with them and move forward. As much as possible, love focuses on the positive.” 
20. "Whatever you put your time,energy and money into,it will become more important to you.It's hard to care for something you're not investing in."

 (from The Love Dare, by Stephen Kendrick)

Is there Marriage in Heaven?

  The Bible tells us, “At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven” (Matthew 22:30). This was Jesus’ answer in response to a question concerning a woman who had been married multiple times in her life —whom would she be married to in heaven (Matthew 22:23-28)? Evidently, there will be no such thing as marriage in heaven. This does not mean that a husband and wife will no longer know each other in heaven. This also does not mean that a husband and wife could not still have a close relationship in heaven. What it does seem to indicate, though, is that a husband and wife will no longer be married in heaven.

What is the exception clause?

  The "exception clause" is Jesus' statement in Matthew 5:32 and 19:9 "except for marital unfaithfulness." It gives an "exception" for remarriage after a divorce being considered adultery. Matthew 5:32 reads, "But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery." Similarly, Matthew 19:9 reads, "I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery." So, what precisely is "marital unfaithfulness" and why is it an exception to Jesus' statement that remarriage after a divorce is adultery?

Is it a sin to have a sexual fetish?

   A sexual fetish is usually an interest in particular part of the body, feet for example. Fetishes range from an attraction to an absolute obsession. The question arises, then, is it wrong to have a fetish? The answer depends on the status of the person asking the question and the extent to which that the fetish is practiced.

Does a wife have to submit to her husband?

  Submission is a very important issue in relation to marriage. Even before sin entered the world, there was still the principle of headship (1 Timothy 2:13). Adam was created first, and Eve was created to be a "helper" for Adam (Genesis 2:18-20). At the same time, since there was no sin, there was no authority for man to obey except God’s authority. When Adam and Eve disobeyed God, sin entered the world, and then authority was needed. Therefore, God established the authority needed to enforce the laws of the land and also to provide us with the protection we need. First, we need to submit to God, which is the only way we can truly obey Him (James 1:21; 4:7). In 1 Corinthians 11:2-3, we find that the husband is to submit to Christ as Christ did to God. Then the verse says that the wife should follow his example and submit to her husband.

What is eros love?

  Unlike English, in which the word “love” means many different things, the Greek uses three words to describe the range of meaning that our word “love” conveys. The first word is eros, from which we get the English word ‘erotic.’ Eros is the word used to express sexual love or the feelings of arousal that are shared between people who are physically attracted to one another. By New Testament times, this word had become so debased by the culture that it is not used even once in the entire New Testament.

What should be the Christian view of romance?

  Although there are no references to the word romance in the Bible, there are 281 mentions of love. Since the dictionary definition for romance is "ardent emotional attachment or involvement between people; a love affair," these two terms can sometimes be used interchangeably. But the true meaning of love, as defined in the Bible, has been corrupted in the common usage of our English language and society. Most often, love is confused with infatuation - that elated, "high" feeling we get when we "fall in love." This kind of "love" is something that lasts typically a short time and, unless replaced by true love, results in broken relationships.

What does the Bible say about a trial separation in a marriage?

  When a couple enters into the covenant of marriage, the Bible tells us that God joins them together into one flesh. "Since they are no longer two but one, let no one separate them, for God has joined them together" (Matthew 19:6, NLT). Marriage is intended to be a lifelong commitment, not a temporary solution for loneliness or other emotional needs. God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16) and never intends for a couple to separate once they are married (Matthew 19:8).

What does the Bible say about an unhappy marriage?

  One thing we know for sure: not being “happy” in marriage is not biblical grounds for divorce. In Mark 10:11-12 Jesus said, "A man who divorces his wife so he can marry someone else commits adultery against her. And a woman who divorces her husband so she can marry someone else commits adultery." Based on the Bible, we see that people don't have the right to dissolve an unhappy marriage. God intended that marriage be for a lifetime.

Making marriage last - what is the key?

  The Apostle Paul says that the wife is “bound” to her husband as long as he lives (Romans 7:2). The principle here is that either the husband or wife has to die before the marriage bond is broken. This is God's command, but in our modern society marriage ends in divorce over 51 percent of the time. That means that over half of the couples who make the vow “Till death do us part” break that vow.

  What can the married couple do to ensure that their marriage will last?