1. Never engage in a dialogue with the other person’s amygdala
Life is far more complicated in a bipolar brain. The
amygdala, the part of the brain that activates flight-or-flight, may go off for
no reason or may over-respond. The all clear message gets lost. In this state,
we become irrational and unreasonable, and there is no sense in trying to
reason with us.
2. Do not judge
We need to suspend judgment when the bipolar individual is
acting out. He or she is reacting to the world as he or she sees it. So are
you. Same world; two entirely different views. Do not judge. Take stock;
determine where each of you are coming from. Resolve to work your way to an
understanding.
3. Think very carefully
When do you go with your head? When do you go with your
heart? How do you justify a decision to your partner? Our only guide is a
lifetime of experience, which inevitably involves a history of wrong choices.
Mistakes are inevitable, but they may also give us the wisdom to move forward.
Says the Dalai Lama: “When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.”
4. You should never have to put up with abuse
This applies with equal force to both parties. The stress we
put our partners through can be interpreted as a form of abuse. Each partner
has the right to set their own boundaries, make their own rules, interpret
abuse as they see fit.
5. You are entitled to happiness
The bipolar diagnosis should never cut us off from humanity. Our illness imbues us with an insight and wisdom that tends to leave the rest of the world for dead. We think and feel deeper and wider. We light up those around us. We have empathy in abundance. It goes without saying that we are a gift to the right person.
(With thanks to John McManamy )
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